Want to be more likable without trying too hard? Communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards reveals three magic phrases that help you clearly show you care, overcoming common misunderstandings in social signals.
- People often overestimate how well they communicate liking someone.
- Saying you’re thinking about someone can strengthen bonds.
- Positive, specific compliments help people feel genuinely appreciated.
What happened
Research shows that trying to impress others by showcasing humor or intelligence isn’t the best route to being likable. Instead, being genuinely interested in others is far more effective. Social skills expert Vanessa Van Edwards points out that people often fail to realize just how much they need to over-communicate their feelings to be truly understood.
This idea ties into the concept of signal amplification bias, where individuals mistakenly believe their feelings or positive intentions are clearly apparent to others. Van Edwards recommends using three simple, authentic phrases to clearly convey care and interest, helping to bridge this communication gap.
Why it feels good
When someone receives a message that they are genuinely thought of or appreciated, it creates a warm, validating feeling. It reassures them that they hold an important space in someone else’s mind and heart, which strengthens relational connections.
Van Edwards emphasizes the importance of sincerity — sharing moments when something triggered a thought of the other person makes the communication feel real and personal rather than generic. This authenticity not only boosts likability but also deepens the quality of interactions.
What to enjoy or watch next
Try incorporating Van Edwards’ three magic phrases into your daily conversations and messages: Saying things like, 'I was just thinking of you, how are you?' or 'That made me think of you' can open doors to meaningful dialogue and closeness.
For those interested in learning more, Vanessa Van Edwards’ book 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' offers deeper insights into building rapport and improving social interactions. Listening to her interviews, such as the Diary of a CEO podcast episode, can also provide practical tips to enhance your social skills.