Want to be more likable in conversations? Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks highlights how asking thoughtful follow-up questions—not just polite mirrored ones—can make people feel truly heard and valued.
- Asking follow-up questions raises your likability significantly.
- Mirror questions often feel less sincere and less engaging.
- Being curious and kind fosters better, deeper conversations.
What happened
Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks, author of 'Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves,' explains that the secret to being more likable is to be genuinely interested in others. While many focus on impressing with stories or witty remarks, research shows people prefer to feel seen and understood. Asking questions is a good start, but follow-up questions—those that dig deeper into the topic the other person mentioned—are the real game changers.
In a 2017 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Harvard researchers found that asking a question plus two follow-up questions dramatically increases likability. These follow-ups keep conversations focused and meaningful, like asking someone about their favorite animal after they mention visiting the zoo. This approach encourages connection without the pressure to perform or entertain.
Why it feels good
Being on the receiving end of a follow-up question feels different from a simple mirror question like 'How are you?' or 'Where are you from?' Mirror questions tend to be polite but somewhat automatic, often lacking true curiosity. In contrast, follow-up questions show genuine interest and care, making people feel valued and heard. This kind of interaction meets a fundamental human need to be understood, which naturally boosts positive feelings and strengthens bonds.
According to Brooks, these follow-up questions act like 'superheroes' in conversation by encouraging you to explore topics more deeply alongside the other person. It shifts the focus from superficial small talk to meaningful engagement, creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere. It’s a simple yet powerful way to be both kind and engaging without needing to be the center of attention.
What to enjoy or watch next
For those interested in improving their communication skills, Brooks' insights feature in an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast titled 'How to Communicate With Confidence & Ease (From Harvard Business School’s #1 Professor),' released on October 30. This episode offers practical tools and strategies to help you communicate more confidently and build deeper connections effortlessly.
You can also experiment in your daily life by consciously practicing follow-up questions. Whether at a party, work, or casual settings, asking things like 'What’s your favorite part about that?' or 'Have you ever thought about doing that again?' can transform your conversations and expand your network with genuine warmth.