Before offering advice, ask yourself why you’re talking. Behavioral scientist Dr. Dolly Chugh shares the W.A.I.T. rule and a quick guide to recognizing whether someone wants to be heard, hugged, helped, or celebrated.
- Use the W.A.I.T. rule: Why Am I Talking?
- Ask if they want to be heard, hugged, helped, or high-fived
- Match your response to their actual needs, not assumptions
What happened
Dr. Dolly Chugh, a behavioral scientist at NYU’s Stern School of Business, recently shared helpful insights on how to give advice thoughtfully. During an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, she introduced the W.A.I.T. rule, an acronym for “Why Am I Talking?” which encourages people to pause and consider their motivation before offering unsolicited advice.
Chugh also explained a useful question to ask when tempted to jump in with solutions: “Do you want to be heard, hugged, helped, or high-fived?” These categories represent different kinds of emotional support people may seek. Her aim is to help people respond in ways that truly meet others’ needs, especially in personal relationships.
Why it feels good
The W.A.I.T. rule gently reminds us to be mindful and empathetic rather than reactive. When we hold back just to talk for talking’s sake, we often end up speaking ‘at’ someone instead of connecting with them. This mindfulness enhances our conversations and relationships by making space for the other person’s experience rather than our own assumptions.
Understanding what someone really wants—whether a listening ear, a comforting gesture, practical help, or recognition—makes interactions more meaningful. People feel valued when their needs are accurately recognized and respected, fostering trust and deeper bonds.
What to enjoy or watch next
Dr. Chugh’s approach is part of a broader conversation about empathy, emotional intelligence, and healthy communication. For those interested, tuning into her full discussions on podcasts like The Mel Robbins Podcast can offer further tips on navigating difficult conversations and supporting loved ones more effectively.
Try practicing the W.A.I.T. rule yourself in your next interaction. Notice how pausing and asking what kind of support is really wanted can transform everyday exchanges into opportunities for genuine connection. It’s a small shift with big impact—whether with family, friends, or colleagues.