When meeting someone new, it’s natural to wonder who they really are beneath the surface. Behavioral expert Chase Hughes highlights a powerful question that helps you see past the persona people show the world and better understand their inner motivations.
- People build masks to hide shame and vulnerabilities.
- The key question to read someone is about what they want you to feel.
- Self-control signals trustworthiness and predictability.
What happened
Human behavior expert Chase Hughes explains that everyone presents a kind of mask or persona to the world, often crafted to hide feelings of shame. These masks are shaped by the mental discomfort shame creates, causing individuals to cover up parts of themselves they fear will be judged negatively.
Hughes points out that the number one question to ask when trying to understand someone is, 'What does this person want me to feel about them, and what do they want me to notice?' This question sheds light on the underlying motivations behind someone’s actions and behaviors.
Why it feels good
Understanding that these masks are built to protect vulnerable feelings releases some of the pressure we put on first impressions. It reminds us that beneath loud posturing or intense behaviors might be a longing for connection or a fear of being seen as weak.
Recognizing these patterns allows us to approach others with greater empathy. Instead of quick judgment, we see loneliness and shame as common human experiences, fostering kindness and patience in our interactions.
What to enjoy or watch next
To deepen this awareness, consider observing people’s self-control as a marker of trustworthiness. Those who exhibit discipline tend to be more predictable in positive ways, making them reliable in both personal and professional relationships.
If you’re inspired, there are many talks and videos from Chase Hughes and other behavioral experts that explore reading human behavior in more detail. They offer helpful tools to not only understand others better but also to strengthen connections in family, work, and community settings.